xxlostitxx (xxlostitxx) wrote,

i love you Erica

 This is the start of my story please leave comments

Title:I love you Erica  (1/?)
Author: xxlostitxx
Pairing: callie/erica
Disclaimer: i don't own any of the characters or settings.
Warning: Suicide is a major topic in this story.  Please do not read if you have a problem with that.


I remembered the day she walked away from me.  How much I wanted her, how much I needed her.  I didn’t even realize just how much she meant to me until she’d left.  I really loved her, I love her with everything I have and she left me.  She abandoned me.  I wallowed in depression, blamed myself for everything that happened between us.  Mark and Christina tried to reach me, but they couldn’t I’d fallen into a pit of despair.  I struggled with everything I did.  Everyplace I went, everything I saw reminded me of her.  Of thing we could have done together. I kept seeing her blonde hair and piercing blue eyes everywhere.   My dreams were filled with what could have been.  And I would wake up in tears knowing it would never happen. Knowing that she’d probably already moved on and that I hadn’t.  That I wouldn’t.  I was unable to move on.  If I even lingered at anyone for too long I became guilt ridden thinking of how that would have made her feel if she was still here.     Nothing seemed worth it anymore with out the woman I love with me.


So I picked up a pen, ready to say exactly what I had to say.  My tears stained the page.  I climbed into the bathtub and picked up the knife.  I was a surgeon.  I knew how to do this.  How far to cut to end it all and I wanted too, I needed too.  If I couldn’t be with her.  I didn’t want to exist at all.  As the knife pierced my skin and I felt the blood rush out I heard the door slam shut and Christina run into me.  Panic stricken she looked at me in despair.  Grabbing the knife before I was able to make the second incision on my other wrist.  I watched as my world faded to black.



I grabbed a towel and wrapped it around her wrist.  I rang the chief immediately, thank god he was in my speed dial.  He arrived minutes later as I did CPR on Callie. She was bleeding out and while I tried to stop the bleeding I also had to try and keep her alive. Bailey and Shephard arrived seconds later.  An ambulance was waiting outside.  They carried the gurney in and put her on it.  I watched as everyone rushed out of my apartment.  Then I saw it, the suicide note.  I picked it up off the floor and read it.  One line. 

I grabbed my phone to ring Mark.  “Hello?”  Mark could immediately tell by my tone that something was wrong.  “Callie’s attempted to commit suicide.”  Nothing was said.  Mark couldn’t believe what he was hearing, he wouldn’t.  “Mark?”  “Are you sure?  Is she going to be alright.”  I breathed a sigh of relief as I crossed the road.  Living outside the hospital definitely was convenient.  “I don’t know.  I, I found her.  You, you have to ring Dr. Hahn.”  Mark sounded confused at my request.  “What? Why?”  “Just do it Mark, for fuck sake.  Just fucking do it.”



When I hanged up from Christina I climbed in my car and dialed Erica’s number.  I prayed she hadn’t changed it because Callie had been constantly calling her.    One ring, two, three, four…  I was about to hang up when I heard a sleepy voice muffle. “Hahn.”  I sighed in relief.  “Fuck Erica.”  “Sloan is that you?  What the hell are you ringing me for?” 



After a 10 hour surgery on my feet the last thing I needed to do was be woken from my sleep after only an hour.  I heard his voice, his tone was sad but panicked.  I could tell I was on hands free.  “Erica, its Callie.”  I immediately sat up.  Callie.  I hadn’t heard that name in a few months.  Since she’d stopped calling me repeatedly.  “What?”  “Erica you have to get to Seattle Grace now!  She’s committed suicide.”  My heart rate raced up as I heard the last word.  Suicide.  She’d committed suicide.  Because of me? 

I felt my stomach drop. I felt sick.  Worse, I threw up.  Right there on my floor.  I grabbed my phone.  Put my jacket on and rushed out the door.  Thank god I’d taken the job from Mercy West, it meant I was only half an hour away.  “Keep me posted Mark.  I’ll be there in half an hour.  I replayed all the times we’d spent together.



This is gonna sound bizarre, I realize at this point that this is gonna sound bizarre, but any chance you people wanna get a drink with me?

Why would we wanna do that?

She’s saying she needs a friend.



She’s pretty huh?


She’s beautiful.



I like penis.  I am a huge fan of penis. 





So are we on for tonight or what?


Um…. I told you I had a thing.



I’m not mad you’re sleeping with Sloan.  I’m mad that you didn’t tell me you’re sleeping with Sloan.  I’m mad at you.





Look, I’ve never done this before.  I’ve never kissed a girl.  I’m not sure if I even like kissing girls.  I don’t, actually,   like kissing girls.  I like kissing one girl. You.





Vir-gins.  Hey, we can be scared together


Kinda Virgins.  And we can be scared together



Can I just say, the whole taking it slow thing… best idea ever





We don’t even know what we are yet.  So, how does Mark Sloan know?  Why are you talking to him instead of me?








We need to have rules.



Rules.  We need to have rules about how we are going to deal with the motherland.  Because it’s undiscovered country.  Maybe… maybe it’ll be the best vacation either of us have ever had, but it’s mysterious and dark, and… there should be rules.  Oh and an embassy. And a safe word.



Erica?  Maybe second base too.








I could see the leaves.  And I didn’t even know I was missing the leaves.  I didn’t even know that leaves existed and then….leaves! You… are glasses.  I am so gay.  I am so, so, so gay!  I am extremely gay!





I slept with Mark.



Twice actually.




Take your pants off


Excuse me?

Take off your pants.  We’re trying this again.



You can’t kind of side with Izzie Stevens.  And you can’t be kind of a lesbian.


Yes I can.


I can’t believe I didn’t know this

Erica the chief is right-

No. you.  I don’t know you at all.


Tags: erica/callie

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